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A t 67 years old, I’ve decided that serenity isn’t just a pleasant ideal—it’s essential, and it rarely comes without effort. It takes discernment, restraint, and often, a willingness to step back. Peace of mind isn’t up for negotiation—especially around those who thrive on emotional upheaval and/or sincerely believe their unchecked opinions are immutable truths. Some of my family members speak with such absolute certainty that you’d think disagreement was an act of heresy. Every conversation risks a storm, so for years, I did my best to reason with them. I sought common ground, more-or-less embodying Christian and Stoic virtues: patience, understanding, keeping my cool. But, after countless gatherings ending in exhaustion—blood pressure climbing, blood sugar spiking, energy vanishing for days—it's become clear: this isn't just about clashing philosophies or politics; it's about my health, physically and mentally. Stoicism, as I see it, doesn’t demand martyrdom for the sake ...

Assumption, projection and insecurity are hallmarks for most of today’s casual conversations. Casual Conversations are more like sporting events than attempts at understanding one another or in building relationships. In my experience, entering a casual conversation is a stressful game where conversants compete and try to outdo each other.  For instance, I was recently with a group of relatives I hadn’t seen in several years when the topic of automobiles came up. I mentioned that we had recently purchased an Acura TLX only to have it totalled by a distracted driver two months later. The other driver broadsided my wife and I at such a high rate of speed that eight of the airbags deployed. Somehow, no one in either vehicle was hurt. When I paused in the story for a second, everyone there jumped in taking turns sharing their “I was in a wreck too” story. One person went into great detail about being rear ended. Another said he had fallen asleep driving home from work and plowed into a...

It is not people’s actions that disturb our peace of mind, but our opinions of their actions. We suffer more from getting angry and upset about such things than we do from the things themselves that are making us angry and upset. When you are too angry or impatient, remember that human life is fleeting and before long all of us will have been laid to rest. — Excerpted from Meditations 11:18. Righteous indignation seems to be the general timbre of the current American social landscape. Many people wholeheartedly believe that privileged groups are intent on disabusing and marginalizing everyone else. Meanwhile, many others are sure that nefarious political agendas are leading to the destruction of historic democratic values. Depending on the person's perspective, elected officials, the financially secure, white-skinned people, welfare recipients and illegal aliens are just a few of the supposedly deserving targets of so-called "justifiable" outrage. I was recently t...

During the U.S. government handling of the 2020-2021 Covid19 social distancing experiment, I discovered how emotionally unaffected I am by wholescale cancellations of social events, widespread travel restrictions, various venue closers and all the rest of the people-separating mandates. In fact, my natural response to the changes confirmed that I am not only introverted; I am also very comfortable in social isolation. What upsets people is not things themselves, but their judgements about these things. — Epictetus At no time during the year-long-plus affair was I lonely or bored. I am aware that other people were measurably frustrated and or in some degree of turmoil during the lockdown, but I was emotionally unaffected. In fact, I experienced almost no change to my normal day-to-day life. Many experts claim that living in isolation presents very real health risks. Perhaps for some, but interestingly I am unaware of any deleterious side effects from either forced or chosen is...

Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please — Chorus from the theme song for the movie and TV series M*A*S*H Contemplating taking one’s own life appears somewhat common, at least in my experience. I had an uncle and a coworker who went beyond the contemplation phase, both hanging themselves. I also had three associates who ended their days with self-inflicted gunshots.  I think, however, that the occasional  contemplation of suicide is widespread and not merely confined to those few who actually carry it out.  The Stoics believed that depending on the situation, choosing the time and place of one’s death was ethically acceptable, and in some cases, prudent. Always remember – the door is open.  – Epictetus (Discourses I.25.18) The Stoics dealt with this subject in depth, yet they remained primarily focused on living with resilience and tranquility. Life should never be thoughtlessly thrown away during difficult circumstances, b...